Emeritus Pope Speaks Out

poplimoPope Benedict XVI made an unexpected statement early yesterday morning.  “I did not intend to speak this soon, and I hope that I do not steal Francis’ thunder.  But then again, it is hard to be afraid of a guy named Francis.  There is a reason why no one in 2000 years had picked that name.”

When asked what it was that caused him to break his silence so soon, he responded, “Well, I hear Francis rejected the papal limo.  Rumor has it that he did not live in the luxurious house prepared for the Cardinal in Argentina.  I heard he rides the train with the people.”

“You wanted to commend him for his humility then?” the reporter speculated.

“Well, sure, I think that is wonderful.  It shows he is a man of the people.  But I really wanted to speak out quickly for a different reason.  If he is not going to use the papal limo, I would like to say that I will take it.  That thing is poped out.”

He went on to explain that Castel Gandolfo is beautiful but he had no idea how boring retirement would be.  “You only can stare at the view so long.  I have to get out of here.  And after the papal limo, any other car just will not measure up.  I still have movies on my Netflix queue on the TV in the limo.  I only got half way through documentary about pinball machine repair men.  It was fascinating. And also, it he does not want that really comfy chair at the Vatican, send that baby over.  I have a lot more time for naps now, and that chair was created for naps.  I have just the place for it.”

Benedict concluded by saying, “I am just saying don’t be hasty about getting rid of stuff.  A pope emeritus has to live somehow.  It Francis doesn’t want it, I have first dibs.”

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This entry was posted on Friday, March 15th, 2013 at 8:30 am and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

5 Responses to “Emeritus Pope Speaks Out”

  1. Chris Says:


    Please don’t quit your day job, because you’re really really not funny.

    Satire only works if there is a grain of truth underlying the parody, but there is none of that here. In all of his tenure as Pope or as member of the College of Cardinals or even as a priest, was there ever a hint that Benedict was the greedy, lazy person you make him out to be? No, there isn’t. The Onion wouldn’t even come out with something like this because it doesn’t have the truth as a base from which to commence mockery.

    And before you accuse me of having no sense of humor, which is patently false as I have a great sense of humor and can actually make good jokes (you should sit in my class some time and while you’re at it, learn Latin which you refuse to do), I would like you to examine why you think it is so important for you to mock the Pontifex Maximus Emeritus? And don’t give me the b.s. answer of “well, we have to because we’re Lutherans and the Treatise on the Primacy and Power of the Pope says we can.” That treatise criticizes the office (which is different from mocking); it does not go after the man in ad hominem attacks like what you have here.

    I’m glad you’re using your Lenten season to waste time with mocking Catholics and their pope. Those are definitely the fruits of repentance.


  2. Philip Hoppe Says:

    Chris, I comment and sometime do satire on what is on my mind or in the news. The new pope has already become known for his refusal to use the more luxurious things set aside for the Pope’s use. Benedict did not do this is an overt way. It is humor, not so much mockery. The joke is not about his character throughout life as it is his new life in retirement. It is a joke about retirement as much as it is about the papacy.

  3. Christopher Esget Says:

    Yikes. Sorry you got reamed out, Pr Hoppe. FWIW, I thought it was funny…

  4. Chris Says:


    Your justification is a lame one and still does not make it funny. The Pontifex Maximus Emeritus may have used the papal limo during his tenure in the office but that does not make a good base from which to mock or even joke that he is some greedy lazy person. That would be like taking the President to task for living in the White House and having his meals prepared by a master chef automatically makes him a snob when, before his rise to the Presidency, he cooked his own meals himself.

    Like I said, don’t quit your day job.

  5. RobC Says:

    WOW Chris, it was a simple joke, nothing rude or crude about it. I think you’re a little over sensitive about the “Pontifex Maximus”.
    This does bring up a question in regards to the Treatise- If the man holding the office neglects to fix the error and embraces everything it stands for, is He not guilty of the error of the office itself?

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