Pastor’s Wives: What to expect?

The expectations placed upon pastor’s wives are notorious, well at least among pastor’s wives.  It used to be that the pastor’s beloved was assumed to come with fingers adept at pushing air through the pipes.  The modern expectations are varied.  Some congregations are prepared to install the wife as president of the ladies group the same day they install the husband as pastor.  Others expect the wife to be the organizer in chief in the congregation.  Still others expect the wife to be the model working mother in every respect.

But what should you expect from a pastor’s wife?  Simply that.  That she be wife to her husband.  That is the only vow she has taken.  You can rejoice that she has chosen to follow where God calls her husband.  You can befriend her in any way.  You can forgive her when she falls short.  But you should only expect her to be wife to her husband.  She made do much else in the church, home, or community but you should not expect it anymore than you would expect it of anyone else.

What occasioned this post?  Witnessing a simple act. A wife giving her husband a simple reassuring kiss after he conducted a difficult funeral.  I thought to myself, “It is her being wife to him that enables him to pastor as he does.” 

I know it is true in my case.  I cannot imagine being a pastor without a wife.  There are men who do this job without a spouse obviously but my wife is a treasure to me.  And of all the things that she could and does do, the most important thing she does for me is simply be wife to me.  Her ministry to me enables my ministry to the people entrusted to my care. 

Expect this from your pastor’s wife and encourage her in this holy work.  Your pastor will thank you.