Parents jokingly count down the number of years until their children turn 18. “Only one more year until they are out on their own.†Teenagers often declare their coming independence years in advance of that birthday. “Once I turn 18, I will do whatever I want.†And often no one even question the underlying assumption.
Even Christian people have bought into our culture’s idea that one somehow magically becomes independent at the age of 18. And if not then, then at some other arbitrary point. At high school graduation, college graduation, first “real†job, or whatever it is. At some chosen point, we decide that one breaks free from their mother and father and becomes their own person.
I would argue that scripturally there is such a point, but it is not any of the listed things. There is only one thing that ultimately alters the relationship between parent and child.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Only when one is married do they leave one nuclear family and create another. Until then, they remain under the authority and care of their mother and father. And that is for their well-being. It is a blessed thing.
We are not doing our young people any favor by suggesting that they are independent of family at any point in their life. They are not. Not at 18. Not when they graduate. Not even necessarily when they move out. They remain with their father and mother and under their care until they marry.
Father and mother should take seriously their responsibility to their children until they marry. Yes, even if that is many years after they turn 18. They cannot free themselves of their God-given responsibility. And those same children must take seriously their responsibility to honor their mother and father. No premature declarations of independence can be allowed. There is no time in between one’s family by birth and their family by marriage.
I have only begun to consider the practical implications of this in our world, but I am quite certain that the framework is solidly scriptural. I would welcome your thoughts on what it means to live this out in a world with an 18 and out mentality.
Very good post. There is one minor point for sake of clarity and consistency; rather than “Only when one is married do they leave one nuclear family and [b]join[/b] another” perhaps “create another” The couple does not join another family, but by marriage, constitute and institute a new household.
Noted and changed.
Absolutely great post, and absolutely Biblical teaching. I couldn’t agree with you more.
Ooooh. I do not like this post. It totally discounts the biblical idea of being celibate and not marrying.