“I had to forgive him for my sake.” “You have to forgive so that you can move on.”
These are lies of modern pop psychology. Forgiveness is not for you. Forgiveness is for the other person. If your “forgiveness” only has a good result for you, it is not forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a selfless act. It is not done for self (although it does ultimately bless the forgiver also). Forgiveness is not about you being able to move on. It is about the sinner being able to go on. It is about removing guilt. It is about sacrificing one rights so that the other can live. Real forgiving often hurts rather than make one feel good.
Anyone can “forgive” in a way that benefits them, but there in no honor in that.
What if God’s forgiveness was for him? What if forgiveness was all about him just forgetting the fall in eden and the hurt it caused him? What if he just forgot and then left us to spiral into destruction? Was if forgiveness was not or us and our good? What a terrifying possibility!
And yet, we who are to forgive in God’s image often forgive for ourselves and not for the one who sinned us. As a common example, let me offer this scenario. A spouse hurt (in the most broad sense) by their spouse says, “I have forgiven them, but I am still filing for divorce.” What benefit is received by the one supposedly being forgiven? None. And therefore it is not true forgiveness. Let s rebuke such a brother or sister rather than extolling them for such supposed maturity and understanding.
Forgive as you have been forgiven. And that is forgiveness where the sinner is the one who benefits, not the one sinned against.
Phil,
I have to disagree that forgiveness is not for us. If forgiveness is simply a legal acquittal, then perhaps you are correct. But we need to forgive for how else can we become like Christ? Granted, God does not forgive because it does Him good. God is what He has, as said Blessed Augustine (commemorated this Friday BTW). Forgiveness is an energy of His essence. It cannot be divorced from him.
If we view forgivness in the same way as we view love, the only way it can work is if there is reciprocity. For love to exist, it needs to have the lover and the beloved which goes both ways. It is the same thing with forgiveness. It needs the forgiver and the forgiven otherwise it becomes an empty shell of a promise. If we join not love to this act, then it becomes nothing.
Thus, true forgiveness is beneficial to us. For it is love. In that sense if we love one another then we truly confess “Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the Trinity, One in Essence and Undivided.” The Holy Trinity is perfect because of its perfect love. Thus we need to exercise that with all good works, including forgiveness of our sins.
Let us also remember the words of the Lord’s prayer which state, “And forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us.” The forgiveness we give to others, without conditions, is that which is bestowed upon us by Our Lord. So, yes forgiveness is for us in that we become more an icon of Christ.
I agree that forgiveness is good for the one forgiving ultimately. But that should not be the motivation. We forgive for the sake of the other. And if the act we do only has an effect on us and not the sinner, we have not forgiven, even if externally it looks laudable.
I do not seek to become more of an icon of Christ. In him through baptism, I am his image by his grace. I no longer live, bu Christ lives in me. That is God’s work not mine. Else we rebuild the wall of the law and become a transgressor by robbing Christ of his glory.
You seek to be the image of Christ. I rejoice that I am by his grace. And in so doing, the glory goes to Him, and not to me.
Phil,
You wrote: “You seek to be the image of Christ. I rejoice that I am by his grace. And in so doing, the glory goes to Him, and not to me.”
Where in the world did you ever get the idea that being an image or icon of Christ is my work solely? Nowhere did I imply it, nowhere was it expressly stated. Where in the world did you get the idea that I was trying to glorify myself by being an image of Christ? Again, nowhere was that implied nor expressly stated. We are called to be the icon of Christ! And we are to respond to that call or cast it aside.
And what did I ever say about motivation? It is simply something we are called to do. As I stated God is what He has. That is His essence. We do not have such an essence for we are created beings, but nonetheless we can become like God by participating in His energies (and yes, grace is an energy) and thus do what we are called to do. We can become like God, i.e. an icon of Christ, by participation in those energies and then do what is loving, such as forgive.
Christopher,
Hopefully you’ll be gentler on me than you are on Phil… I’m more sensitive than him…. 🙂
You wrote:
If we view forgiveness in the same way as we view love, the only way it can work is if there is reciprocity. For love to exist, it needs to have the lover and the beloved which goes both ways. It is the same thing with forgiveness. It needs the forgiver and the forgiven otherwise it becomes an empty shell of a promise.
I’m interested in hearing more of what you have to say on that. My first instinct is to disagree with you. “God so loved the world”… but much of the world didn’t/doesn’t love him back. That doesn’t negate the love of God or make it any emptier.
In the same way, there are times as Christians when we’re called to forgive people who don’t want or need our forgiveness. On the cross, Jesus was forgiving without reciprocity.
To be truly Christlike, we must love and forgive with or without reciprocity from the object of our love and forgiveness.
Do you agree?
Jaime,
You wrote: “In the same way, there are times as Christians when we’re called to forgive people who don’t want or need our forgiveness. On the cross, Jesus was forgiving without reciprocity.”
In no way did I say that we should only forgive to have it reciprocated. But what I was trying to get across that forgiveness is a reciprocal act and, inasmuch as there are those who do not desire or demand forgiveness, does not require immediate response. It may take time.
As I’ve been trying to say, we are not God in Essence. God in His Essence will always forgive because He is what He has. His essence cannot go any other way. As created beings, still called to perfection and to be Christ like in all things which is made possible by the Holy Trinity, we must offer forgiveness, unconditionally, to become fully like Christ, to display ourselves as icons of Christ, though, while we still live, we will be tainted by our sins. Forgiveness does benefit us, but at the same time, I’m not siding with the pop pscyhologists who say we should just thrown forgiveness around just to get a self-serving satifisfaction. It should be offered sincerely and repentantly realizing that as we forgive we are still in need in forgiveness, yet still desiring to do the work of our Lord.
Phil,
I agree almost completely with what you’re saying. I do think the Oprah-style self-help message is that forgiving frees us… and I agree that it does, but that shouldn’t be the focus or motivation.
My one issue: I do believe there are times when forgiveness is given but the consequences of the sin are still necessary. An obvious example would be physical or sexual abuse… you can forgive the abuser without moving back in and subjecting yourself and family to more abuse. Moving away from the spouse thing, if someone babysat your kids and was irresponsible or neglectful in doing so, you’d probably forgive them but not ask them to babysit again. It doesn’t mean you haven’t fully forgiven them; it’s just that the consequence of doing a job poorly may be no longer being asked to do the job. I think it’s hard to judge whether someone is practicing “true” forgiveness without taking time to talk with them and seek out their motives.
God forgave the people of Israel, but they still had the 40-year consequence. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean picking up the relationship in the exact place it left off, as if nothing happened. It means no longer holding a debt or punishment against someone, but sin still has its consequences.
Thanks Christopher… I get what you’re saying.