In my line of work, it happens all the time. People prioritizing their vocations ((Vocation is a terms that recognizes that all work given to a person is a calling from God. An easy way to think about what is a vocation is to ask what your God given roles are in the three estates of home, state, and church.)).
Sometimes you just see it. There is the pastor whose family is always neglected. His church work always takes priority. After all, it is holy work that God has given to him and to which he has given himself by vows. This man is often loved at church and despised at home. He never is able to be at anything family related other than the most important occasions and then only when guilted sufficiently. “I was taught to work hard.â€
Other times you hear about it. This is the pastor who is always bragging about how their family is their first priority. They use it to justify missing all sort of church activities. This man is often loved at home and despised by church members and fellow pastors. He never is able to be at anything church related other than the most important occasions and then only when guilted sufficiently. “My family comes first.â€
In my understanding of vocation (influenced strongly by Luther’s of course), the most overlooked sin regarding vocation is the act of prioritizing one over another. For anytime we do so, we show that we believe one of them to be more important to God than the other. Luther knew this error well. He was taught that to be a monk was far better than to be a father. But over time we saw this as error. He ended up teaching that God valued all vocations equally as ways in which he gives out his gifts. The mother bathing her child and the priest praying are equally valuable to God.
In our every day lives, this means not pitting one vocation against the other. When two vocations come into conflict on our calendars, we should not always choose the same one to take precedence. It is not also “work calls†or “family comes first.†We must seek holistically in our lives to honor all of our vocations evenly.
I will admit this approach is actually much harder than prioritizing It is much easier to prioritize vocations and then run life strictly according to those delineations. But it doing so, some vocations will always be devalued and neglected. Nothing God entrusts us with should be discredited in that way.
I suppose the real reason we like to prioritize vocations is because we then can justifying our failings in one vocation by appealing to accomplishments in another vocation. But is should not be so. Instead, when we have failed, let us confess that before the One who has given us this vocation. He will forgive us for Christ’s sake and raise us to newness of vocation. And when we have accomplishments in our vocations, let us confess before the world that this only by the grace of God at work in us.
All vocations are important for they are all from God and important to his work. Prioritizing them suggests something else. We must refrain from doing so.
I think this is an excellent post, Phil.
Regarding church work, I once heard someone say that they had to give themselves permission not to do everything they could, because there is always something more that can be done. I think that is sound advice.
I love that my husband (a DCE) does such a great job of making time with us a priority. At the same time, I love that my kids are growing up to see a dad who is working really hard at church. It has sometimes been challenging, but I think he’s done a great job of finding balance, and I think our pastor does a great job of modelling the idea of “honoring both vocations” too.
How do you think 1 Timothy 3 fits into this, though? The verses seem to support the idea of making sure your family is in order first and then serving the church. That’s not necessarily a calendar-scheduling thing but a general living thing… interested in your thoughts.
I came across your blog on my facebook newsfeed, and am thankful I did so. Thank you for your words and your thoughts.
I understand what you have written and believe there is truth to it. However, I believe a major leap and generalization occured. First, the abuse of priorities and the use of them as an excuse or a facad does not make setting priorities wrong. There is a difference. In order to truly balance the two vocations, one must see them in proper perspective. Doing so, will allow you to balance them rightly. Furthermore, setting a priority of responsibility does not equal saying one is of greater value in God’s eyes than the other.
I am the son of a Pastor and have witnessed my father balance being a Pastor and a Father in an amazing way. However, there was no question that He set a priority.
Scripture testifies to the order of responsibility. Clearly, we have different levels of responsibility to different vocations. A father has a greater responsibility to his family, especially in regards to his prescence than to his work. This has everthing to do to the nature of the relationship. Does this mean, then, to neglect responsibility at work? No.
I repeat myself, I propose that in order to truly balance two vocations: work and family (whether its pastor or groundskeeper) one must set priorities. This takes discernment: If I am presented with a crisis at work and a crisis at home and there is no way to creatively handle both, my priority is family. Yet, there are creative ways to handle a situation at work (someone else stepping up; or referring someone to someone else). A pastor can refer a member to another close Pastor or ask the other Pastor to step in. This is not neglect, but in fact, the opposite. If there is something less at stake at home (such as movie night) and a crisis at work happens, perhaps it is best to deal with the crisis at work, and do so with communication and understanding with your family. I would not make a habit of this though. Likewise, being open and honest with all people at work about being a father first is a witness to the people at work. Again, this comes with honesty and discernment.
In a grand scale, there is a setting of priority. A husband is his wife’s only husband, and a father is his children’s only father. This case can be made about a Pastor and his congregation. However, how can a Pastor truly take care of his congregation, if he doesn’t even take care of his family (1 Timothy 3)?
I do suggest, nonetheless, that there is no template of how to do all this. Again, this takes much discernment and setting of priorities each day with day to day things, scenarios, and responsibilities to people. I pray God will grant me and all of us all wisdom in all our vocations.
Thanks Jaime for reading and for your comments. I think first Timothy three actually fits this idea very well. It basically says that if one can manage a household they can also probably manage a church. I don’t think it says anything about prioritizing one or the other or even doing one and then the other. I think it is simply mentioning that one who does not take one vocation of management serious will likely not take another serious as well.
Bart,
I’m always thankful to have another person reading and especially responding to the blog. It makes it worth writing. You mentioned that you believe that the Scriptures testify to an order of responsibility but I’m not sure where you are referring to or even necessarily what you are referring to. As I read it, your basic point is that only you can be father or husband to your family while others might serve in your work situation. Certainly in some work situations, this is certainly true. And there is no doubt in exceptions it could even be true for the pastor. But I would argue that the relationship between pastor and people is in many ways as exclusive as the one between fathers in children’s or husbands and wives. Each person has but one pastor to which he has been entrusted.I will still stay with my original assertion that prioritizing one vocation over another is dangerous. You seem to suggest that one should always in the end prioritize family over work and I am not sure how you make that assertion.
No doubt, on a daily basis we must prioritize what will happen. And certainly when crises arrive we must do the same. However I do not think that it is safe to say that in every crisis family comes first. That is what I’m suggesting is dangerous. Because necessarily a family always comes first, our work always does not. Actually I think often in crises it is obvious where one should be. It is more in the day-to-day organizing of our lives that this question is truly played out. And I think to do it well, sometimes we have to make a priority of one vocation and other times make a priority of the others.
As I mentioned above in response to another commenter, I think all first Timothy three says is that one who does the vocation of fathering well in the home will also likely do the vocation of fathering well in the church. One who is skilled at one location of managing will also be skilled in another. I see nothing in the text arrow that suggests that one priority should supersede the other.
Thanks again for commenting and I hope you will continue to read and perhaps share my blog from time to time. The Lord be with you.