Walk Them Through: Divorce

At the training I received at Doxology, I was led through a technique to use when someone is considering suicide. The technique was quite simple. Walk the person through what would happen after they did the deed. Basically, ask them questions like, who is it that will find you? Oh good, your ten year old son will find you when he returns home from football practice. How do you think that will effect the rest of his life? The idea is that people are so focused on the actual event of killing themselves that they fail to think of what happens afterward. And when they realize the horror they would be unleashing on those they love, it takes their focus off doing the deed. They will be able again to take in the forest, rather than the tree.

I think the same technique ought to be applied to those considering divorce. For once again those considering divorce get so focused on the actual event of leaving. “I just need out.” And the truth is while they might deny it, this focus on the tree robs them of the forest view. I think we need to help walk them through what happens after the event. The rest of the holidays they will experience being clouded with the “who gets the kid” question. The strange life of still being connected in so many ways to the one you chose to leave. The joy of explaining to new prospective mates that you could not remain committed to your last relationship. Oh the list could go on and on, and it does. But I truly think it is important to walk them through it. Just like the event of suicide has many many unintended consequences, so does the act of divorce.

You see when one put asunder what God has joined together, horror is the result. The ripping of the two made one flesh is painful indeed. This is why God lovingly invites us to stay through worse, poorer, and sickness. He wants us again to have better. And through forgiveness, we can. Walk them through that possibility as well.