They call the 50th wedding anniversary the golden anniversary.   Thankfully, we are at a point in history where there are probably more of these anniversaries held that in any other time in the world. This is due to the fact that the people who are old enough to celebrate such a day got married fairly young, rarely divorced, and have experienced increasing life expectancies. (For younger generations, 10 years seems to be more and more a rarity worthy of a party.) I think when people go to these 50 year events, there is a certain righteous jealousy that exists among the guests. They want to to have someone that they could rely on for so many decades. This is the dream: lifelong live.
But here is a secret. These golden marriages did not always have the luster they appear with at the 50th anniversary reception. I know when you look at the pictures on the poster board at the reception, only happy moments and faces full of smiles are shown. But I can guarantee this was not always the case. People are not married 50 years because they hearts overflowed with warm fuzzies each day, because they were insatiably attracted to each other at each moment of those days, or because they always saw eye to eye.
How do I know? Because widowed spouse after spouse has told me, their pastor, of the tough times they endured together. And I do not just mean tough times which they experienced together as one such as the Depression. I mean tough times in the marriage itself. Near Affairs. Alcoholism. Loss of every positive feeling for one another.
Gold as it is found in the ground is not that wonderful to look at. To end up with the luster which is desired, there are many steps which must be taken. It has to be washed, ground, filtered, mixed with chemicals, and sometimes be placed in the fire.
Marriage is the same. It takes work to get it to the point where it has luster that it can be gazed at with awe. I think maybe at those parties they should put a few pictures of the couple yelling at each others. Maybe a few more of the tears that were cried. Perhaps one of the couch slept on or the door slammed.
Why? Because my generation has this crazy idea that marriage should only endure as long as it is easy and near perfect. When feelings wain, attraction diminishes, or opinions clash, spouses just leave believing that someday that will find a relationship free of such trouble.
We need the couples we are losing each day who actually have lived lives together for decades to be humble enough to talk about the truth of enduring marriage.  If not to everyone, then at least to those closest to them. they must admit that it has its terrible points and difficult days. But that in working through those times and sharing the forgiveness of Christ, something of great worth it formed, golden marriages with luster unrivaled.
If you know someone who could do this truth telling, print this out and ask them to do it. If you are thinking about leaving your marriage because there is trouble, please seek out someone long married to verify this young pastor’s point. Gold must be refined.
