There is a new song right at the top of the charts this day. It is called Rude by a group called Magic. Some of the lyrics are as follows:
Saturday morning jumped out of bed
And put on my best suit
Got in my car and raced like a jet
All the way to you
Knocked on your door with heart in my hand
To ask you a question
‘Cause I know that you’re an old-fashioned man, yeahCan I have your daughter for the rest of my life?
Say yes, say yes ’cause I need to know
You say I’ll never get your blessing ’til the day I die
Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is ‘No’Why you gotta be so rude?
Don’t you know I’m human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I’m gonna marry her anyway
At the risk of being considered aloof, let me answer the hypothetical and maybe rhetorical question asked in the song. Why would a dad refuse to say yes to a boy or man who comes to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage?
Well because his daughter belongs to him. And no, feminists this is not a statement meant to speak of ownership of but rather responsibility to his daughter. Fathers have a God-given responsibility for all their children’s wellbeing. Dads are responsible for their daughters until they are married.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Once married the primary responsibility then shifts from father to husband but not until then. The responsibility does not end at some arbitrary age set up for the daughter to begin dating. It does not end at age 18 because someone decided to call everyone an adult at that age. This responsibility only goes away with the death of the father or the marriage of the daughter.
And being responsible for a daughter means not only filling her stomach with food and putting clothes on her body but it means being very concerned with her future. And there is no more important part of anyone’s future than who they will spend it with as family.
Fathers (and mothers) should be very involved in making sure their daughters get to live their life not with a perfect man, for there are none, but with a man who will care for them spiritually, financially, and emotionally. We have for too long asked fathers only to tell the daughters when they can date. But real fathers are much more concerned with who their daughters may date. In our world, this is very hard to do since so much of our culture seeks to separate children from parents and encourage them to be independent of their parents as soon as possible. Fathers while seeking the counsel of fellow Christian fathers will have to each individually decide how to best insure that their daughters do not end up with someone who will damage them spiritually, financially, and emotionally.
Certainly it will involve raising our daughters in a way that causes them to desire a godly man as their spouse. Unquestionably it will involve modeling for their daughters what a husband and father should act like. It may also include things like introducing their daughters to young men who are seeking to walk with Jesus and live in his forgiveness. It could involve all sorts of other things.
Why call your daughter off of the street when she is playing as a child only to hand her over to a man who will run her over as she ages? Why teach her the faith diligently each night in your home only to give your blessing to her being placed under the care of one who will never mention the Word in his home? Why tell her you love her as you kiss her goodnight only to not show any care about who will kiss her goodnight for the rest of her life?
I must admit that the best approach here is unquestionably done in advance of any boy being close enough to your daughter to ask for her hand. But I would, if ever in that situation, say no to any boy that asked and yet would not care for my daughter. I am her dad. I have that responsibility. That is why I have to be so rude.
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While many might read this as a post mostly dealing with how males and female relate, I write it much more to speak about how parents and children relate. Most of what was written would be equally true if speaking about how a father should view his son getting married or how a wife should view her daughter or son getting married. I write it to challenge the ways we think about families in our culture. Everyone alive is a part of one nuclear family or another regardless of their current living arrangements and we should never forget it.
